Fifty Shades of Gender podcast graphic about Allyship with Katy Jon Went, Tiga-Rose Nercessian, Ophelia and Esther Lemmens

Episode 19

A conversation about allyship:
How to be a better gender-diverse ally


53 min. Recorded on 13 November 2020.

Our allyship course is now open! Find out more on

This is a slightly different episode than usual. It’s Transgender Awareness Week this week, and Esther has a conversation with two cisgender LGBTIQA+ people; Tiga-Rose, an intimacy coach and sex therapist in training, and Ophelia, an historian, archivist and conservator, under the watchful eye (or ear) of project co-creator Katy Jon Went, who is transgender and non-binary, about how to be a better gender-diverse ally.

We also talk about how to introduce pronouns into conversations and what to do if we get it wrong, the power of names and their importance in identity, ignorance versus privilege when it comes to wanting to be an ally, why we need more unity in the LGBTIQA+ community, how small actions can make a big difference, and that being willing to be wrong and have awkward conversations is essential.

“I don’t think it’s up to me to decide if I’m actually a good ally or I’m helping people who I’m different from. It’s for them to tell me if I’m doing what they need and if there’s more I can do to help them in a way that’s correct for them; not in a way that feels good for me and my ego.”
– Tiga-Rose

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TRANSCRIPT [expand to read] – COMING SOON

About Katy Jon

Katy Jon Went is a public speaker and educator on gender, identity, sexuality, mental health, human rights, diversity and inclusion. Katy’s pronouns are they/them or she/her. They are transgender and identify as non-binary and asexual.

Katy was podcast guest #16 and you can find their episode here.

You can find out more about Katy on their website and on Facebook, Twitter @katyjon, Instagram @katyjonwent, or LinkedIn.

About Tiga-Rose

Tiga-Rose Nercessian is an Intimacy Coach and trainee Sex Therapist who works with gender and sexual minorities, so LGBTQIA+, kinky, and poly people. Her pronouns are she/her. She is a beige bisexual kinky cis woman.

She set up her company, Intimata, to offer specialised support to people who have been marginalised and misunderstood, and who have struggled to find sex therapy that works for them. Her work focuses on helping people feel at home in their bodies and sexuality so they can have deliciously satiating intimate relationships, whatever unique or unusual forms those relationships take.

Tiga-Rose is passionate about offering practical solutions to emotional and psychological challenges for rainbow “black sheep”. She’s also a highly sensitive neurodivergent sensualist and lives tucked away on a wooded hillside in a national park with her rescue puppy Laniakea.

You can find Tiga-Rose on her website

About Ophelia

Ophelia is an American immigrant who has been living in the UK for nearly 20 years. Daughter, Mom, Crazy Dog Lady and life long history chick both professionally and privately. She’s a total introvert so no contact info 😉

What we discussed & useful links

Wanna hear more?